speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
