I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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