i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
farters have to be the big spoon...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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