My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
