I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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