His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
