I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
