It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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