I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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