she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
