Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
