a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
