He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
