I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
