her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
