I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize