I met the friendliest cop last night
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
