Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
