Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
