Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
