Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize