Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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