eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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