if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
