the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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