So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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