the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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