puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
