all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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