You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
