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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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