I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
