A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize