So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
