I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
