Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
