i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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