The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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