Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
