I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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