I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
