I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
