seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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