I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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