She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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