I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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