im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
