I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
should my penis look like a turkey
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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