Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
