Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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