if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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