remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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