Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
