So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
