just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
