Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm at about main and main street
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
