Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize