So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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