You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize