so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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