Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
