Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
