i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
organizing the empties. That sober.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
