He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
