also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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