some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
