that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
