seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
